Recovery from depression starts with one step – my story
Stepping out of depression begins with a single step — an honest record of my story, my first attempt to face pain, trauma, and the slow return to life. Stepping out of depression begins with a single step — an honest record of my story, my first attempt to face pain, trauma, and the slow return to life.
Photo descriptions (Polish)
Header image
The image shows an open book entitled "Stories of Illness and Depression" lying on a table surrounded by objects symbolising difficult experiences and emotional struggles. Around the book are sheets of paper, a thermometer, pill packaging and a bottle styled to look like medicine, emphasising the theme of personal stories and reflections. The entire scene is rendered in subdued, moody colours, reinforcing the atmosphere of seriousness, introspection and sincerity. The image suggests that the book contains stories of human fragility, strength and attempts to find meaning in difficult moments.
Featured image
An unfinished jigsaw puzzle with the word "Depression" arranged in the centre. Several pieces are missing, creating empty spaces and symbolising the feeling of brokenness and inner struggle often associated with depression. The unfinished image becomes a silent metaphor for a mind that seems unstable, weakened or difficult to 'put together', conveying the emotional weight of this state without exaggeration or dramatisation.
Image descriptions (English)
Header image
The image shows an open book titled 'Stories of Illness and Depression' lying on a table surrounded by objects symbolising difficult experiences and emotional struggles. Around the book are sheets of paper, a thermometer, pill packaging and a bottle styled to resemble medicine, emphasising the theme of personal stories and reflections. The entire scene is rendered in muted, moody tones, reinforcing an atmosphere of seriousness, introspection and sincerity. The image suggests that the book contains stories about human fragility, strength and attempts to find meaning in difficult moments.
Featured image
An unfinished jigsaw puzzle with the word "Depression" formed at its centre. Several pieces are missing, creating gaps that evoke a sense of fragmentation and inner struggle often associated with depression. The incomplete image becomes a quiet metaphor for a mind that feels unsteady, weakened or difficult to piece together, capturing the emotional weight of the condition without sensationalism.
To osobista opowieść o depresji, która pojawiła się po latach choroby, operacjach, sepsie, ileostomii, pandemii i udarze. Ten wpis mówi o bezradności, zmęczeniu i szukaniu pomocy psychologicznej, ale także o pierwszym, drobnym kroku ku odzyskaniu równowagi. To szczere, nieedytowane świadectwo pacjenta, który po długich zmaganiach próbuje odnaleźć siłę, jasność i drogę naprzód. — A personal account of depression that emerged after years of illness, surgery, sepsis, an ileostomy, the pandemic and a stroke. This entry reflects on helplessness, exhaustion and seeking psychological help, but also on the first small step towards regaining balance. It is an honest, unedited testimony of a patient trying to find strength, clarity and a way forward after long and exhausting adversity.
Photo descriptions (Polish)
Header image
The image shows an open book entitled "Stories of Illness and Depression" lying on a table surrounded by objects symbolising difficult experiences and emotional struggles. Around the book are sheets of paper, a thermometer, pill packaging and a bottle styled to look like medicine, emphasising the theme of personal stories and reflections. The entire scene is rendered in subdued, atmospheric colours, reinforcing the atmosphere of seriousness, introspection and sincerity. The image suggests that the book contains stories about human fragility, strength and attempts to find meaning in difficult moments.
Featured image
An unfinished jigsaw puzzle with the word "Depression" arranged in the centre. Several pieces are missing, creating empty spaces and symbolising the feeling of brokenness and inner struggle often associated with depression. The unfinished image becomes a silent metaphor for a mind that seems unstable, weakened or difficult to 'put together', conveying the emotional weight of this condition without exaggeration or dramatisation.
Image descriptions (English)
Header image
The image shows an open book titled 'Stories of Illness and Depression' lying on a table surrounded by objects symbolising difficult experiences and emotional struggles. Around the book are sheets of paper, a thermometer, pill packaging and a bottle styled to resemble medicine, emphasising the theme of personal stories and reflections. The entire scene is rendered in muted, moody tones, reinforcing an atmosphere of seriousness, introspection and sincerity. The image suggests that the book contains stories about human fragility, strength and attempts to find meaning in difficult moments.
Featured image
An unfinished jigsaw puzzle with the word "Depression" formed at its centre. Several pieces are missing, creating gaps that evoke a sense of fragmentation and inner struggle often associated with depression. The incomplete image becomes a quiet metaphor for a mind that feels unsteady, weakened or difficult to piece together, capturing the emotional weight of the condition without sensationalism.
Come to me, all you who labour and are burdened, and I will give you rest.
Gospel of Matthew 11:28
The last meeting with the psychologist and the first step
Yesterday was my last session with the psychologist. She told me to take notes, write things down, simply write about what is bothering me, about what I am thinking, and that hopefully this will help me overcome my depression.
The onset of health problems in 2018
It all started in 2018. In February, more or less – as far as I can remember, which is not very reliable now – so probably in February, I started complaining more and more about pain somewhere in my abdomen. I went to see my GP. Here, they are called GPs. The doctor sent me for a body scan. Then, after about a week, I think, I had an appointment at the hospital in Stafford with another doctor. I don't remember which one, but he said he had to refer me to a specialist. Two weeks later, I had an appointment with a surgeon in Stoke-on-Trent. Mr X. I am deliberately writing X here because I do not want to mention his name, and the name must be preceded by Mr. This is because in the United Kingdom, surgeons and only surgeons are addressed with the prefix Mr, not Dr. It is a sign of special respect and a kind of distinction for this particular medical specialty.
Cancer diagnosis and the fight for life
Hmm. I think I've strayed a bit from the topic. Anyway, let's get back to the psychologist. I asked for help. Surprisingly, I, a very independent person, or at least that's how I saw myself. Because, to put it simply, I couldn't cope, especially mentally. In 2018, I found out that I had cancer, that I needed surgery, and that if I didn't agree to it, I had very little chance of survival. Something like 10%, so of course I agreed.
Chemotherapy and the first signs of recovery
Later, it was horrendously difficult, about seven months of chemotherapy, but more about that another time. Oh, one more thing about the time of the operation. When they removed part of my large intestine, they performed a colostomy. Everything was fine, and the chemotherapy was finally over. I recovered reasonably well. The time came to reverse the stoma, to reconnect the intestine to the back of my digestive system.
Sepsis, complications and further operations
And then the trouble began, because after two or three days it turned out that I had sepsis. I almost died, to put it briefly. Nevertheless, I remained optimistic. Always moving forward. I kept showing how strong I was, that I wouldn't give up. I even have a cool photo, taken in Ilam Hall, I think, where I'm giving the middle finger to invisible cancer: Fuck you, cancer, I won't give up. Right. What happened next? Oh, right. I lost my train of thought. Well, later it wasn't very interesting, because in order to save the operation they had done, which was to connect the stoma to the anus, they had to disconnect the small intestine. And that's how I got an ileostomy, which was supposed to be reversed after six months, and everything was supposed to be fine.
The pandemic, vaccinations, and another blow from fate
In the meantime, COVID arrived and the pandemic was declared. An infuriating situation. The whole world was divided into those who believed it was true or a hoax, or someone's deliberate attempt to subjugate people to some unspecified organisation. Those who wanted to be vaccinated and those who did not. All in all, my wife and I got vaccinated for very practical reasons. We had a flight to Poland, where I had last been in February 2018, and which we had already prepared. And then, about two weeks before the flight, I had a stroke. A little twist of fate that finished me off.
Why I asked for psychological help
And that's why I asked a psychologist for help. Quite simply, I couldn't cope, and I still can't, but thanks to the psychologist's advice, I hope I'm managing to make a little progress.
First entry — raw, honest, unedited
This is my first post, and it's as twisted as I am right now. As I write, I don't intend to edit it, because the point is not for it to be pretty and beautiful and very stylistic. No, no. Nothing like that. It's supposed to be what I'm really thinking at the moment. It's an introduction to everything I'll be writing later. A general overview of the situation. And that's enough for today, because I'm tired and I've had enough. 🙁
Gallery of memories
These photos are fragments of my journey — moments captured between pain, hope and attempts to return to normality. They are not perfect, but they are real, just like the whole story.
That's all for this post. Below you will find more posts from this category.
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